The Great Musical Mashup
by Elena Nightbreaker
Summary: Combines quite a few musicals into one random, plotless story - not just The Phantom of the Opera. Rated T for some violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Mentioned characters/places/concepts and quoted lyrics belond to their respective owners, not me.

**Notes:** I have _**NOTHING**_ against the musicals I have included in this story, as much as I may insult/humiliate the characters. They are all brilliant, amazing, fantastic musicals and I just wanted to combine them all into one random, plotless story.

This started off as a doodle I did in Geometry, of Audrey II eating the Cat in the Hat. I apologize to all you Cat fans out there, but it was so much more interesting that the surface area of a sphere...

Anyways, I've been thinking (not Thinking) about how I could mash together a bunch of different musicals. I may come back and add more than the ones I've already included, but that would take some serious thought. Feel free to comment with ideas! More info at the end.

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><p>The sky was a bright, cloudless blue and the pier was sunny and crowed with travelers – the perfect day. Three travelers stood on the dock, looking up at the liner the SS American. Madame Giry, her daughter Meg, and Erik, the Phantom of the Opera, were moving from Paris to Coney Island, New York in hopes of starting a better life. Madame Giry and Meg seemed to be enjoying the cheerful atmosphere, but Erik was thoroughly depressed by the brightly waving flags. Huddled in his black cloak, despite the warn day, he glared witheringly at anyone who dared catch his eyes while looking for something gloomy and dark to cheer him up.<p>

Then he spotted it: a shoddy, run-down little flower stand off to one side. Sidling away from his companions, he walked casually up to the stand. The man behind the counter happily greeted Erik. "Good afternoon, sir! Is there anything in particular you are looking for?"

Brusquely, Erik shook his head, still surveying the exotic flowers and plants. Only one caught his attention, a rather small plant Venus flytrap-like plant hiding behind a bunch of red roses. He picked it up and shoved a wad of money into the manager's hands. "I'll take this."

The manager looked at Erik funnily. "Ah, Audrey II; alright, but I'm warning you: this little girl is more… let's just say, _unique_ than she looks at first glance."

Erik looked daggers at the manger, who quickly tried to regain his footing. He put the plant into a brown paper bag. "Have a nice day," he said with faux-cheerfulness.

With his cloak flapping behind him, Erik stalked back to Madame Giry and Meg. "Mama, there he is!" Meg called when she saw Erik approaching.

"Where did you go?" Madame Giry asked, as though scolding a young child.

"Bought some flowers," Erik muttered under his breath, clutching the brown paper bag.

Suddenly, a boat whistle sounded. "That's the final whistle!" Madame Giry said, herding Meg and Erik onto the massive ship.

They showed their tickets and boarded. On the deck, Meg leaned over the railing, trying to see something in the murky water, while Madame Giry and Erik stood by. Then, with a little jolt, the boat pushed off from the dock and set sail to New York. "Bon voyage!" all the people on the dock called, waving hankercheifs in farewell.

When at last the pier disappeared into the distance, Madame Giry, Meg, and Erik went down to their cabins. Meg and her mother were sharing one, and Erik had one to himself. Once situated in his, Erik carefully took Audrey II from its bag and set it on his bed, admiring it proudly; the perfect touch of gloominess to this overly-happy, goody-goody environment.

Several days later, Erik had still hardly left his cabin, preferring to stay inside and coddle his plant than mingle with the other passengers. At this particular moment, Erik was sitting at his desk, writing a new opera when he heard a voice say: "Feed me."

He ignored it, thinking he was just hearing things. Until he heard it again, louder. "Feed me!"

Still, he paid no attention to the voice. "FEED ME!"

This time it was almost a shout, and Erik couldn't ignore it any longer. He turned around in his chair to find the source, but nobody was there, just Audrey II, who had grown ten times in size since Erik had bought it. Erik looked at the plant, and a very strange though crossed his psychotic, opera-writing, young soprano-obsessed mind. As if to prove him right, Audrey II opened her jaws wide and asked, "Feed me?"

Erik was stunned. A plant, talking? "Feed you?" he asked. "But I have. I've given you water and fertilizer and you've been digesting bugs… what more do you want?"

"People. Feed me people," Audrey II intoned again.

"People? Alright, I'll get you some people, since you are my little plant and I love you very much," Erik said, giving Audrey II a fond look. "How about I bring you along?"

Audrey II bobbed her jaws up and down in a nod. Erik scooped up the potted plant and walked up onto the deck. There were a lot of people up there; an all-you-can-eat buffet to Audrey II. "You can't possibly eat a whole real person, can you?" Erik asked Audrey II. Then he spotted a group of Who's and Munchkins. "Could you eat them, though?"

Audrey II nodded again. Erik approached the group of tiny people, who looked frightened at the sight of Erik for a moment, then went back to playing their games. Audrey II stretched out her stem and open her jaws wide, and grabbed a pink Who and swallowed her whole, before devouring three other Who's and five Munchkins. And then burped loudly.

"Are you done eating?" Erik asked his plant. Audrey II nodded for a third time.

Erik took Audrey II back to his cabin, and then decided to go wander the ship for a while. In the lounge he ran into two girls: one with curly blonde hair, and the other with black hair and green skin, both of whom immediately ambushed him. "Hello," the blonde one said. "Who are you? I'm Glinda."

"E-Erik," Erik stuttered.

"And I'm Elphaba," the green-skinned girl - Elphaba - purred, trailing her hand across Erik's shoulders and chest.

"Why do you wear a mask?" Glinda asked, batting her eyelashes flirtatiously. "You're soooo handsome, and it's just hiding your good looks."

"Umm..." Erik started awkwardly. "Well, it's not really..." He trailed off as Meg came into view. She immediately blanched when she saw Erik with the two girls.

"Hello, Erik," Meg said, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his neck and glowering at Glinda and Elphaba over Erik's shoulder. "Come on, Mother's looking for you."

The two girls looked offended at the obvious affection Meg was showing Erik.

"Excuse us," Erik said to Glinda and Elphaba with a polite bow, "But I must get going."

He followed Meg to a commons area where Madame Giry was waiting. "Erik, I have recently been informed that several Who's and Munchkins have gone missing. Do you know anything of this?"

Erik shook his head. "No, I don't know anything. But it is very tragic."

"Thank you, that's all I wanted to ask."

Erik wandered off, thinking of going back to his cabin, when he sensed a prescense behind him. He whirled aroung to come mask-to-whisker with a black cat with a white stomach and paws who was wearing a red-and-white striped hat and huge red bow tie. "_I can see you've got quite a mind for your age_," the Cat began. "_Why, one think and you dragged me right onto the stage! Now I'm here, there's no telling what may ensue. With a Cat such as me, and a Thinker like you_!" Then he started singing and gesturing wildly, "_Oh the thinks you can think, oh the thinks you can think! If you're willing to try... Think invisible ink, or a gink with a stink, or a stair to the sky-y-y! If you open your mind, oh the thinks you will find, lining up to get loose! Oh the thinks you can think, when you think about Seuss_!"

"Shut up!" Erik snapped. "And leave me alone, I don't care about your stupid song."

The Cat wilted comically, then said, "Alright, I'll be going. But first, let me say..."

"Don't start singing again," Erik threatened, striding along.

But the Cat, despite Erik's warning, launched into song again, "As you sit there and scrub, have a think in that tub. Think of water... and fish!"

_How will I get rid of him?_ Erik thought, casting desperately around for an idea.

It was like a lightbulb turning on; the perfect solution came to him in a sudden flash of inspiration. "Why don't you come to my cabin with me," Erik told the told the Cat, turning on his 'luring innocent people (or annoying cats) to their doom" attitude.

Instantly, the Cat stopped. "You've been Thinking! What a brilliant Think, said the Cat with an encouraging wink!" he exclaimed, giving Erik an overly exaggerated wink.

_Oh, great. Not only is this a talking, singing, and dancing cat, this is a cat who speaks in rhymes!_ As much as he wanted to kill the Cat on the spot, Erik gritted his teeth and fought back the impulse.

They reached Erik's cain, the Cat still ranting about Erik's Thinks. Erik opened the door and the Cat bounded in, immediately focusing in on Audrey II. He crouched down next to the plant and said, "How that is a very unusual plant, I wonder who could think of a plant such as that."

Erik examined Audrey II. She was bigger than she had been even that morning. "Audrey, I brought you dinner," he said.

"Audrey has already eaten, but it looks soooooo delicious," Audrey II mused. Then once again, she opened her jaws, stretched forward, and swallowed the Cat in a last flurry of rhymes, leaving one arm holding the red-and-white hat dangling out of her trap. Erik coughed, adverting his gaze, and Audrey II slurped it up, smacking her jaws happily. Then she burped again, dislodging the hat and bow tie. "Too furry, but quite tender," Audrey II said.

Disgusted, Erik made a face and turned back to his desk, thinking he would continue his opera, when there was a knock at the door. "Come in!" he called.

Meg entered, looking thrilled. "There's a concert up on deck; it's starting in just a few minutes!"

"Oh, that's nice."

"And you're coming whether you like it or not!" Meg grabbed Erik roughly and dragged him up onto the deck, where a stage had been erected and the concert had already begun.

"Victoria, the dancing white kitten!" an announcer's voice boomed loudly over the speakers.

On stage, a small white cat-human wearing a white tulle tutu and pointe slippers took center stage. A spotlight blinked on and she began to dance. Slowly at first, then faster and faster. Erik was mezmerized. She was so beautiful.

But all of a sudden the music stuttered to a stop and Victoria, still on stage, stopped dancing and looked around curiously. The audience, who had been cheering, also feel silent.

The announcers voice rumbled out a second time, "We intterupt this performance to inform you that the Captain has been misinformed on how to get to Coney Island and took a wrong turn. We are currently followed the Yellow Brick Road and will be arriving shortly in-" A breif pause. "Wonderland."

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><p>I'm sorry if you hated this. As stated at the beginning, this was a completely random idea that just popped into my head becuase of one dumb doodle.<p>

If you liked it and would like to help me work more musicals in, please comment! Musicals already included in this story are: The Phantom of the Opera, Love Never Dies, Wonderland, Little Shop of Horrors, Anything Goes, CATS, Wicked, The Wizard of Oz, Seussical.

I would like to include: The Scarlet Pimpernel, Mamma Mia, The Lion King, Les Miz, and really any other musical. Again, please comment if you have any ideas for those, any others, or the ones I have already included! I will try to include them as best as possible, and will credit you!


	2. Chapter 2

And now, it is with greatest pride and pleasure (and delay), I present to you: Chapter 2 of the Great Musical Mashup (that really badly needs a new title)!

Also, by request of Ace of Gallifrey, Les Misérables has been worked in! More at the end.

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><p>The S.S. American docked at the pier in Wonderland with a slight bump. As the passengers disembarked, they were met with a very strange sight, indeed. For several miles, a strip of bright green grass stretched on to a castle, which glimmered against the blindingly blue sky at the very edge of the horizon. On either side of that was a dark forest filled with flora and fauna reminiscent of their earthbound counterparts. The passengers milled around at the bottom, not knowing what else to do. Erik clutched Audrey II – who seemed to be in some sort of hibernation phase – while Meg cowered at his shoulder with Madame Giry standing a few paces behind.<p>

Suddenly, a loud cough from above made everybody look up. Levitating on a cloud in midair was a queen dressed entirely in red, from the jewels on her crown to the tips of her pointed shoes. "Welcome to Wonderland, I suppose Blah, blah, blah... We really truly sincerely hope you enjoy your stay here in this wonderful land of wonders, blah, blah, blah... No." she sneered, her voice dripping in nearly-tangible slimy sarcasm. "This is quite obviously not Coney Island, though they are shocking similar in the number of freaks and oddities they provide residence to. Also, obviously, your Captain has gotten you lost. While he deals with that fact and finds a way to get you out, the I have, reluctantly, offered up my palace as a place for you all to stay until you can get out." she gestured towards the castle on the horizon. "So if you'll come right along..."

The Red Queen floated through the air, but stopped when she realized the passengers weren't following her. "I said come along, you morons!" she snapped. "I haven't got all day, you know."  
>She set off again, now followed by the somewhat reluctant passengers. An hour and some minutes later, the very odd group reached the edge of the moat surrounding the Red Queen's obsidian lair. The drawbridge lowered with a loud creaking protest, and the Queen lead them all across it into the grand foyer lined with a sharp regiment of Card Soldiers, down a staircase to a lower level, and then into a huge chamber which she introduced to them as, "the second dining hall."<p>

The thirty-feet-high walls were uneven and made of roughly hewn gray stone. Several small, filthy windows on the far side were set near the distinctly cobwebby ceiling. It was as though she had been expecting their arrival, as the room was already stocked with blankets.

Once all of the passengers had filed in, the door swung shut and locked into place with an ominous, echoing click. "Enjoy your stay...!" the Queen cackled witchily.

While the passengers wallowed in stunned silence, Erik crept off to find the darkest place in this already dark room. He settled on a niche in one wall. Carefully, he tucked Audrey II away. The trend of not speaking eventually dissolved into nervous chatter. One of the Les Misérables revolutionaries – Enjolras, proudly clad in his tricolor sash – clambered to the top of the tallest, most precarious stack of blankets he could find. "Everybody, attention, please!" he shouted, fiercely brandishing his red flag.

The talking ceased quite quickly and everybody looked towards him. "Thank you," Enjolras said, speaking loudly but no longer yelling. "I have a few things to say, so I beg you for a few moments of your time.

"It appears to be that we are trapped in here. My friends and I have investigated and the lock is impermeable, unable to be broken - she must have used magic. But we must break free of the jaws of this... this monster! Somehow we must escape!"

His speech was interrupted by a random, drunken cheer from one of the other revolutionaries. Enjolras raised his eyebrows at the student before continuing on with more passion than ever: "Now, I ask you: will you join in our crusade?"

This was met by the loudest silence Erik had ever heard. Then the Munchkins and Who's began cheering in their squeaky little voices. It was taken up by the revolutionaries, and soon carried strongly through the entire crowd.

When the cheers had died down, Elphaba stepped forward. She was wearing a very odd expression; cunning, yet with defiance and something a little more than admiration. "And how exactly are we going to escape if the doors are sealed by magic? Glinda and I could try, but..." she cast a questioning glance at Glinda, her voice trailing off.

"We must figure out the workings of the castle and plan carefully," Enjolras replied, starting to pace. "The doors to this chamber must surely be guarded - learn when they are the least protected. Learn when food is delivered, when the guard is changed out. I will assign duties and watches in a few days' time."

Elphaba nodded once in comprehension and consent, a small smile tugging at her lips. She returned to her place next Glinda, and the friends began whispering and giggling furiously; Elphaba's green skin blushed pink.

"And now what do we do?" Madame Giry inquired in her heavy French accent.

"We wait, a plan on such as large a scale as this needs time. And Elphaba, if I may speak with you for a moment?" Enjolras finished, leaping down from what he evidently now held as his barricade-away-from-home.

At the conclusion of the speech, everybody began talking again with a newfound fervor and broke away into their own individual groups. Erik wandered through it all, watching closely but far from participating. He found Meg and several ballet girls with Fantine and the other Les Miz girls, who were trying to teach them "Lovely Ladies". Erik couldn't help but stare, though he quickly averted his gaze and continued on.

In another corner, a group of CATS characters had assembled, ooh-ing and aah-ing over the Cheshire Cat, who was vanishing random parts of his being on command. Mistoffelees stood by, arms folded and clearly not very impressed. As Cheshire vanished completely, he leapt to the middle of their group, sprung high into the air, and disappeared in a cascade of glitter. The onlooking cats cheered as Misto reappeared, along with Cheshire, who was clearly very disgruntled at having been outdone.

Off to one side he saw Glinda and Elphaba – the girls he had met on the boat. He felt sort of bad that he had not been able to continue his conversation with them; they seemed very nice. He veered towards them, meaning to talk to them some more, but yet another pretty girl walked up to them. "I'm Cossette," she said boldly.

"I'm Glinda, and this is my friend Elphaba," Glinda replied.

"What are you doing? Not like there's much to do here…" Cossette sat on the stone floor next to them.

"I'm giving Elphaba some beauty advice," Glinda said.

This sparked Cossette's interest. She eyed the green-skinned girl up and down. "Gold eyeliner would look pretty on you," she commented.

Glinda frowned. "Silver would look better."

"Silver would make her look snake-like, and of course that's the last thing she wants. Pale rose blush ought to give her a bit more color."

"No, darker pink would."

"Hey, why are you talking about me like I'm not even here!" Elphaba protested weakly.

Cossette and Glinda continued to bicker, each suggesting the opposite of what the other said and sometimes contradicting themselves. Erik was not very fond of catfights that girls seemed to be so prone to, so he continued to meander.

He had barely taken two steps when a heavy-built man stopped him. "My friend," he said, bowing. "You look like something is bothering you. May I perhaps provide a listening ear that you may confide in?"

"No, thank you," Erik said shortly.

"Dear sir, are you quite sure? And, pardon me, I have not introduced myself. The name's Valjean, Jean Valjean."

"Erik. A pleasure to meet you," Erik replied, sounding for all the world exactly the opposite.

"Tell me what is bothering you. A kind Bishop once was my savior, my heart is pure and open."

"NO," Erik snapped. He spun around and with a swish of his black cloak, disappeared back into the passengers, blending into the crowd like he always wished he could do. And now, in this odd assortment of characters, he could.

This last encounter of cheerfulness and good will drove him up the wall – literally. With a finesse that could only be acquired by years of silently prowling the catwalks and the Opera House, Erik climbed to one of window ledges. The pane of glass was so filthy that very little light came through, but he could tell something big was happening outside. With the edge of his cape he wiped away enough gunk to see what was going on. Then he saw it: just mere feet from him through the window, beauty to rival even Christine's...

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><p>Dun dun duhhhhnnnn...<p>

Yes, I'm sort of torturing Elphaba. If you didn't catch it, she's sort of torn between Erik and Enjorlas. And the next several chapters might be primarily fluff – but it'll be entertaining fluff – while I work out an actual plot. :/ And there is some out-of-characterness, though I tried to keep everybody as normally characterized as possible.

Credits are due here to the amazing Ace of Gallifrey, who requested _Les Miz_ (as stated above, I saw it and I can safely say I'm more than slightly obsessed with it now), and also suggested Cossette trying to be Elphaba's beauty counselor and Valjean as Erik's life coach. The Duel of Destiny will come in later, I promise!

**Currently Included:** The Phantom of the Opera, Love Never Dies, Wonderland, Little Shop of Horrors, Anything Goes, CATS, Wicked, The Wizard of Oz, The Wiz (since it's basically The Wizard of Oz), Seussical, Les Miz.

**Would Still Like to Include**: (by request) Evita, Annie, The Sound of Music; also The Scarlet Pimpernel (it's coming – I have an idea, don't worry! Though maybe you should, as it involves Erik (with all his murderous tendencies) and the guillotine… Yeah, you should worry.), The Lion King, Mamma Mia, Jekyll and Hyde, Dracula, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, A Very Potter Musical/Sequel (because I have an idea *evil laughter*), The Little Mermaid, Legally Blonde.

And, as always, I am open to plot/musical requests/suggestion! I will try to include them as best as possible, and will credit you! (Zombie author wants plot brains… ohm nom nom…)

Also, if you didn't notice, I deleted the original publication of this chapter. There were a TON of flaws in it (*slaps self*), so I rewrote most of it and here it is!


	3. Chapter 3

_Madame guillotine._

She was his other half, his soulmate. She had the same murderous tendencies as he did, able to be controlled by outside forces but untamable if independent. All thoughts of Christine slipped from his mind. His fingers were pressed against the glass, desperate to reach silver-bladed wooden killing machine. "I must..." he muttered.

"You must what, sir?" a young girl's voice was jerked out of his reverie and glanced wildly around before finally looking down. Standing directly below the window thirty feet below was a small girl dressed in bright red with a head of frizzy ginger hair. "You must what, sir?" she asked again.

"Never you mind," Erik snapped.

"But sir, I have an idea!" the girl, who was none other than Little Orphan Annie, persisted.

"Don't talk to me about that. Go to pretty-boy Enjy over there. He's in charge," Erik replied shortly, pointing at red-vested, sash-wearing student.

Annie looked at Erik sadly, then skipped off to find Enjolras.

Erik turned back to the window and watched, hypnotized, as the guillotine nonchalantly beheaded prisoner after prisoner, accompanied by cries of "Off with their heads!" from the Red Queen.

Minutes, or maybe hours, later, Enjolras stood on top of his blanket barricade once again and called for attention. The hall fell silent. "A plan has been proposed by Annie," he announced. "As a way of surveying the security around us, the next time a guard enters, she and Gretel von Trapp will go running up to him crying that their cat, Bombalurina-" here his voice adopted a high-pitched tone, like that of a young girl... with a bad cold. "-has run away and could they pretty please go look for her in the castle." His voice returned to normal and continued, "Miss Bomba, are you okay with that plan. You will have to go hide whilst the guard is present."

"Gladly," the saucy red queen purred. She had her arm linked through Dr. Jekyll's - or Mr. Hyde, whoever he was today - and was pressed closely against him. As Erik watched, the twosome sidled off behind another stack of blankets. Lucy Harris and the Rum Tum Tugger were both looking very disgruntled.

"And now, we wait for a guard," Enjy finished.

No sooner had he jumped down from his barricade, than the thumps and scraping clangs of magical bolts being drawn back sounded from the other side of the door. It squeaked open and two Card Soldiers entered, pulling a cart of bread, jugs of water, and dried fruit and meat. They moved to the center of the hall and the characters parted like the Red Sea. But nobody touched the food just yet; they were all waiting to see how the plan would unfold.

The guards set the cart down and marched back towards the door. They were just about to leave when..."Sir?" The tiny voice that spoke was pitiful, on the verge of tears. It pulled at even Erik's harder heart and made the guard look down to see little Gretel von Trapp, accompanied by Annie.

"What do you want, little girl?" the larger of the two guard growled. "If it's a wittle teeny cookie or cake you desire, then you ain't gettin' it."

His companion smacked his arm as Gretel's already puppy-like eyes widened into the size of saucers with fear.

"No, sir, it's our cat, Bombalurina. She's not here. She must have wandered off when we were coming down here," Annie chipped in, playing the part of protective big sister. She wrapped an arm around Gretel, whose eyes were now filling with fake - but nonetheless very convincing - tears. "So were wondering if we would maybe please go look for her?"

"Pretty please?" Gretel added with a barely restrained sob.

The larger guard's expression softened slightly, while the smaller one was almost crying, too. "Of course," the smaller one said. "But let one of us accompany you. The castle's awfully large and we wouldn't want you getting lost."

"Oh, thank you, sir! Thank you!" Annie cried. Gretel simply wrapped her arms around the larger guard in a hug.

The guards led the two little girls out and the characters let out a collective, relieved sigh.

Once again, Enjolras took control. "This food is precious. We must ration it carefully for we do not know when we will receive more."

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><p>Bahahahahahaaa! Bet <em>that <em>was one heck of a plot curveball, wasn't it! I'm feeling _very_ smug right now...

Included: The Phantom of the Opera, Love Never Dies, Wonderland, Little Shop of Horrors, Anything Goes, CATS, Wicked, The Wizard of Oz, The Wiz, Seussical, Les Miz, Annie, The Sound of Music, Jekyll and Hyde.

Would Like to Include: Evita, The Lion King, Mamma Mia, Dracula, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, A Very Potter Musical/Sequel, The Little Mermaid, Legally Blonde, The Secret Garden, Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Annie and The Sound of Music included by request of The Mask of Evil. Ace of Gallifrey, your suggestions will be included eventually!

As always, plot and musical suggestions and requests are very much appreciated!

Until chapter _cuatro_, _adios_.


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